i don't know.

i really want to be happy. of course the response to that is "duh, doesn't everyone?" but i'm thinking more about being happy for me instead of just being happy. increasingly caring a lot less about what i'm "supposed" to do, what standards i'm supposed to uphold, and the people i'm supposed to make happy. taking the stick out of my ass to be completely blunt about it. i've been happier with guys i'm not "supposed" to talk to, making more spontaneous moves with my friends, and giving less of a damn about school. (don't get me wrong though, me giving less of a damn about school is the normal person stressing out). 

call me greedy, but i still want more. i want better grades simply because i don't feel they match my effort. i want my family to function in a bit more of a normal fashion if you're using society's standard of a normal divorced couple. i want maybe not a committed relationship but more of exclusive one. someone who inspires me, motivates me, can teach me random things, but most importantly someone whose company i can simply enjoy. i'm sick of hearing i'm too young and i need to just enjoy life and all that. that's what everyone else wants for me not what i want for myself. i could be considered selfish but i think all the people trying to force me out of wanting a relationship are being kind of a backwards selfish. 

i'm still thankful though. thankful for all of the people i know, for they all have taught me something. a lesson, many lessons, or made me realize something about myself. i love interacting with people because i always feel as though that's an opportunity to learn something. i'm thankful for my family, simple because they are who they are and have been what they have been for me. thankful for my friends, sorors and definitely my line sisters. they are my crutch whenever i feel weak and unable. above all i'm thankful for my relationship with God. it may not follow whatever rules people set or whatever, it's my own personal relationship and it benefits me and i have complete and total faith in it. 

one more semester. 2012 is over and i only have one more semester of my undergraduate career. it's a scary feeling but i'm ready. 2012 taught me a lot, especially about myself, and was definitely a growing experience. 2013 is going to be about a lot of changes. i have spent the last three and a half years building an entire new life with new people and much more meaningful relationships. i have become a completely different person and i'm happy with that. i'm scared of what's to come, but i'm definitely ready at the same time. 

fuerza. 

4 MORE !

unless you've been living under a rock you just might know that Barack Obama has been reelected and will remain the 44th president of the United States of America

and i couldn't be more ecstatic!

i know obama has been criticized for what he has or hasn't done, but with this election i was consumed with more fear than ever before.  i was fearful for radical events based off of the way they were talking, i was fearful for our president's health as there were assassination plans and what not, but most of all i was fearful for my future.  governor romney's views threatened so many important aspects of my life and i was terrified of how drastically my life would be effected if he were to be elected. 

this was also my first election.  i was less than a year shy for the 2008 election, but boy do i remember it.  i went through countless debates about why it mattered and why his race was more important than just his race.  i've experienced my own discrimination and racism, my father has had to sue his former employer because he was discriminated against, and my grandmother grew up in the heightened time of racism and civil rights battles. to see an african-american man elected as the president of our country (and yes he is african-american for you technical hoes) is beyond heart-warming and inspiring. my grandparents were speechless and my dad shed a tear (and for those who know my dad that's clearly a big deal lol).  but to see this happen AGAIN....4 years later....when i had a part in the voter count? words can't express. 

the criticism will continue. the division of our country will probably be a lot worse than it has been. but i still fear a powerful God and have faith that we will be okay. Joe Biden is from delaware too, that always helps :) 

#forward 

Today's Prayer (via mommom)

couldn't agree with this more.  it explains how i feel about my life on a daily basis.

Today's Prayer
Dear God, Thank you for having a purpose for my life and for telling me what your expectations are through the Bible. I know you must be disappointed with me many times, when I fail to meet your expectations of me. I can identify with that from a human standpoint. When I expect a family member to be responsible and to do something that they do not do, or when they make wrong choices in life, I am very disappointed. Sometimes I feel frustrated or angry and other times heartbroken. Help me to be kind-hearted and long-suffering with them, like you are with me. Guide me to handle those disappointments with integrity; to remain quiet when I should and to speak up when I should. Please give me the thoughts, words, and actions you want me to have. And God, please forgive me for disappointing you. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

little things

i love this brief article because i know how difficult i can be when i'm mad and this easily applies to females in general.  helpful ways guys who "can't do anything right", even when they're doing nothing wrong, can help diffuse the situation. and don't let her know you're doing these things...probably won't work anymore lol.


pay attention fellas

October 12.

this was the prayer for the day on friday the 12th, but i couldn't not share it here. it needs to be my daily prayer. 

Dear God, I am so sorry for being discouraged. I know it is just a process of grieving and working through pain in my life, but I don't want to get stuck here. I don't want to appear faithless to those around me. Please, help me to live victoriously through the power of Your Holy Spirit. Please, show me the way, and bring the word of Your unfailing love to me, that I may be comforted, and that I may be a living testimony for You. Thank you, Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen. 

let's talk about sex baby !

here's a link to one of "you heard it here"'s posts about some sex myths and truths...since everyone thinks they know it all. 


SEX

live life.

"the only people who scream and yell at the time of death are the people who haven't lived at all." 

mommom's quote of the day

lies


(click the link for the quote lol)

october.

no more big bird.

Romneycare....oh.

so to be fair, this post has the link to the "you heard it here" blog post about Romney's health care plan (or lack thereof...but that's my opinion. it's my blog right!). have at it. 

Catch up....on sleep?

zzzZZzzzzZZZZzzz

I am the queen of not getting sleep during the week. This just proves to me that I shouldn't even bother trying to change.

One Less.

The truth about Guardasil

A post about the facts behind the Guardasil shot.  I personally feel that it's necessary even though it doesn't prevent cervical cancer.

be informed.

Obamacare and You [Shared from You Caught it Here]

I get emails from this health blog, and with the upcoming election coming up I felt this needed to be shared. 

those who surround you.

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions.  Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too can become great." 

-Mark Twain

the beginning.

"The world is round... and the place which may seem like the end may just only be the beginning" 

Not sure who said it but it was shared with me by one of the most inspirational men in my life.

beginning of the end of the beginning

so much has happened in the last few weeks. i had an amazing birthday celebration with most of my best friends in the entire world and a special appearance from my pop. then i rolled right into endless work for 1787 August Orientation which was possibly busier than Springboard. it was actually pretty upsetting because we saw the rest of the o-team a lot less and the work in the office was so stressful it took away from enjoying our last week of work. then the stress from step practice every day was added in, and trying to still be a good friend and not neglect the people who have always been there for me. then there's the side note that something that seemed so promising ended before it even started.  

my first week of senior year will be over in 5 hours. i can't believe it's here and going already. there's so much i want to do and so many people i want to affect. of course people always have their opinions about me and that's fine, but i want people to remember me at jmu as someone who did for others while remaining true to herself and enjoying it every step of the way. being too busy to enjoy senior year is my biggest fear but i have faith that it will be all i imagined and more. 


"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." -Dr. Seuss


JMiloveU

selfish and selfless

the last couple days have been overwhelming and stressful for me. slight anxiety attacks, grumpiness, and not enough hours in the day. i hate being like that because i don't want people to see me as lazy or a complainer. then i came across beyonce's new video for World Humanitarian day performing "I Was Here" which is one of my favorites from her. it explains exactly how i want to be thought of, especially as my time is ending at jmu. after watching the video i realized how selfish i've been acting and snapped back into how selfless i should be. i work in an office dedicated to helping others, and i participate in organizations that have the purpose of helping others. now i need to remove this negative energy and refocus on the selfless behavior i want to exhibit.

"BE THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU WANT TO MEET."

What will you do?
WHD-IWASHERE.ORG

wait.

"Self Mastery is key...When faced with any difficult decision, wait until you have a clear answer before taking a step that you may regret. Emotions are wonderful, but they must not be allowed to take precedence over wisdom and knowledge. Remember—control your emotions instead of letting them control you. Think before you leap:)"

-Joyce Dungee Proctor

21.

the week of my birthday is now over. last weekend i saw two of my three best friends that are still in de. spent my actual birthday with my dad and my close jmu friends. spent the weekend with my absolute favorite people ever. my friends are like my family. they know me like no other and are there for me no matter what. i wouldn't have spent my birthday celebration with anyone else, and i love them with all my heart. this has been a weekend for the books.

happiness

"Live your life so that your memories are a part of your happiness."

maximum capacity

as the year approaches, and i begin to review in my head what i need to do and what i will need to do as the year progresses, i'm realizing how much room i don't have in my life for nonsense. i know people say this all the time but family nonsense is particularly on my mind this morning. some of the same problems have persisted in my life for so long that i'm becoming numb to them. there's no way to change how some people are and what certain situations are. what's the point in continuing to be upset? especially when people are only fake giving a damn about me. my limits are slowly approaching with my family and i'm not distraught in the least bit. i just pray that the Lord continue to give me strength, health, knowledge, and happiness as i quickly progress through my last year of undergrad.


"Surround yourself only with people who are going to take you higher."

-Oprah Winfrey

making it out of delaware isn't making it.

i wish people would stop considering leaving delaware doing something so spectacular.  leaving delaware doesn't mean a damn thing. you're still the same person, trying to do the same things (which probably aren't going to happen), and without some new motivation you're gonna be stuck in the same place- sitting on your ass. did i leave delaware? yes. i've done a lot of traveling since i left for college and got to see many different places frequently. but am i going back to de? it's very possible. it's a great place to raise children. the food is great. and it's close to just about everything with of course some exceptions.  the only people i would say need to leave are those pursuing careers in the arts. go to a bigger city for allat.  i encourage people in delaware to travel, but for goodness sake appreciate what you have!



and the cost of living in delaware is cheaper than the average in the US fyi.

update

been mia from here for a while. did a lot of traveling ::harrisonburg -- richmond -- delaware -- chicago -- delaware -- ocean city, new jersey -- delaware -- harrisonburg:: and i lovedd it.

after my chicago trip i'm really thinking about grad school out there. it's such a great city. like nyc but cleaner as my aunt would put it. i hate that i only see her once maybe twice a year. everything is just better when she's around. and i love spending time with my cousins. they're at an age where they could really use me around and i would love to be there for them.  i just can't imagine my life not on the east coast. i was so sure i needed to be closer to home after undergrad, but maybe it was just closer to family in general. still haven't brought the idea to my dad and i'm pretty sure he would hate every bit of it. the thought of not having him around really bothers me, but i don't want to get sucked into the rest of my family drama, which is beyond possible. i don't know what to do.

shit i still need to get into grad school first.

leaders.

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more, and become more, you are a leader." 

-John Quincy Adams 

see you later OPAs, thank you springboard.

"You are who you are and what you are because of what has gone into your mind. You can change who you are and what you are by changing what has gone into your mind." 

-Zig Ziglar

(via Liz Klemt) 

thanks dr. warner

received a thank you email from Dr. Warner today. being a part of this orientation team has really been an amazing experience and i can't imagine what else i would have been doing with this summer. in the email there was this quote: 

"Some people come in our lives and quickly go. They awaken us to new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever, the same."

-Flavia

I just want to dedicate this post to the amazing 2012 O-TEAM. there is not a lying bone in my body when i say each of you inspire me in a different way. i can easily look at one member of the team and think of something distinct that i admire about them or that they bring to the team. i've gone through a lot personally since joining the team but any time i'm around these great people i just can't be sad and it's good to have people like that in your life. people that appreciate you for who you are and make the most out of the little things. my only regret is not finding them sooner. 

and to the alumni, thank you for continuing to motivate and inspire us. our rough days would have been a lot rougher without your encouragement, words of wisdom, and simply your happiness when you come to visit. thank you, thank you, thank you. 

i truly love you all. 

we are one.

as i was thinking one day about my LSs and the stuff we have going on in our group chat, i realized why we ended up together in the way that we did. we are all so motivated and driven to make something happen. none of us are the kind of women to sit around until something happens upon itself, and that passion for action is so beautiful to me. it reminds me of our 22 dynamic founders, although that is a group of uncomparable women. of course we can be too passionate at times and that could lead to minor disputes, but you tell me what sisters don't fight and i'll show you a fake ass group of females. there's no sugar coating with us and i appreciate that to the fullest. i love each and every one of them, but i could rant about that all day so i'll spare you.

DELTA SIGMA THETA IS THE OOOOONLY WAY!

"There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." 

-Nelson Mandela  

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

-Winnie the Pooh 

content

after the last couple days, i realize how content i am with my life. i know i'm working toward grad school and this last year of undergrad will most likely kick my ass, but in this very moment i'm happy. really happy. my family is healthy.  my niece and nephews brighten my thoughts each day whether i see them or not. my friends are AMAZING. despite disagreements we have genuine fun together whether it's simple stuff in the house or we go out somewhere.  i appreciate them more than they could ever realize. working for orientation has also made me grow drastically as a person, and i didn't expect it at all so i cherish this growth even more.  i know i'll be working in the office until february, but when everyone's contract is up i don't know what i'm going to do with myself. each person on this team has a light that shines differently in my eyes and each possesses a quality that no one else on this team has.  it's a beautiful thing. i'm in love with life.

i can't do it all

lately i've been getting back into that mode that i'm in during the school year: do this, do that, add this too, gotta get this done by then, write this down, DON'T FORGET THIS!, dammit i forgot that, sleep?
i hate this mode but somehow it easily becomes my norm. my to-do list is a page long, half of which is filled with things i need to buy, and not that my paychecks are so weak i can't live, but it is hard to do some of the things i want to do and still be comfortable. i've been looking for a second job but i'm scared it's going to burn me out. i could definitely use the extra income though. then i considered working two jobs during the semester too but everyone tells me not to. i just hate asking my dad for money. he does so much for me already and works more than one job i don't see why this is different. i gotta work something out though. i will work something out. 

feelings vs. thoughts

I was introduced to a really cool concept today about feelings and thoughts and how they're not as intertwined and controlling as people often think. feelings are pieces of information that let us know what's going on inside of us.  it's extremely important to acknowledge these feelings that we have so that they don't eat us up inside and try to knock us off our feet and also so that we can be fully okay with whatever is going on in our lives. 


you do not always have to act on these feelings though. that's the most important part of this concept. for example, you may feel like you should kill someone but that does not mean go kill someone (clearly). just acknowledge and progress from whatever point you're at at that moment. 


thoughts on the other hand, can be controlled a lot more. i always used to think my thoughts controlled my life, especially laying in bed at the end of my day and thinking about the things i put off during the day while i'm so busy. BUT you can easily stop your thoughts and either think about something else or go do something else. it just takes more of a conscious effort than people feel like putting in.  of course there are times where things just bother you, it happens, but don't always let your thoughts "control" you, which goes back to acknowledging your feelings in the first place. 

"I am in love with the idea of being in love. I love the feeling you get when you're around someone you have feelings for, I love how happy it makes me, I love being able to have someone to talk to at all times, having someone make you smile and laugh. I'm scared of the idea of being in love too, though. I'm scared of rejection, scared of being hurt, and being brought down."

stolen from tumblr but so true.

Be soft.

Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

-Kurt Vonnegut

(I need to remind myself of this more often.)

"write your troubles in sand, carve your blessings in stone."

open up!

people experience things differently. it is important to listen and listen well. take in other people's values and opinions and consider why they react to things the way that they do. treat every situation, especially problematic ones, as if it is a brand new one. engage in these situations and you will be able to make the best of them. don't run from the opportunity to grow! 


"Be uncomfortable to make others comfortable."

him. my old him.

i wasn't supposed have an interest in you, but i did. i wasn't supposed to open up to you, but i did. i wasn't supposed to start talking to you, but i did. we weren't supposed to connect on that level, but we did. we weren't supposed to have those secret meetings, but we did. i wasn't supposed to like you so much, but i did. we weren't supposed to lust over each other from across the room, but we did. i wasn't supposed to fall in love with you, but i did. i was supposed to be patient and respect your lack of emotional expression, but for some reason i couldn't. i wasn't supposed to end things with you, but i had to. i wasn't supposed to cry, but i did, a lot, for weeks. i'm not supposed to miss you or want to talk to you, but i do. 

ideal situation

i would really like my next relationship type situation to start by getting asked on a real date. especially being asked in person or maybe over the phone but definitely not on the internet. i'm really over that. and i want us to continue to date for a while and not know each other on social networks (unless we already did) so that there aren't any distractions from what's going on between me and him. although i invested a lot of feelings in my last situation, i don't know any other way to be. i'm just ready for something deeper.

progress.

Take pride in how far you have come and have faith in how far you will go.

-Christian Larson 

be yourself.

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. 

 -Lao Tzu

pencils.

the concept of a pencil is somewhat amazing if you apply it to real life. when a mistake is made, erase it. simply erase it. sometimes there are some marks still left over, and those are the memories you've made through making that mistake. but if there aren't any marks, LET IT GO. don't hold on to the past for too long. you have to take it and grow. another positive to pencils, is that if you lose your spark, your special touch, you can resharpen your point. there is always room from improvement, and personally i think too many people forget that or dismiss that idea. i encourage people to use pencils. 

It's my new blog!! I'm really excited to start fresh with a place to express what inspires me along with some great quotes and experiences I go through, especially during my senior year in college. It's gonna be awesome.