BREATHE...RELAX...BE HAPPY

I know plenty of young women (including myself) that have genuine battles with anxiety. I've sought professional help for it, but it's also a battle that requires some will power within yourself. Just sharing some little messages that help me breathe a little easier. I apologize if you're not a Christian as I incorporate God into my stress relief techniques, but this is also my blog sooo......

• When life knocks you on your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray 
• Today I will do what I can and let that be enough 
• Anxiety happens when you think you have to figure everything out. Turn to God. He has a plan. 
• Stress makes you believe everything has to happen right now. Faith reassures you that everything will happen in God's timing. 
• Live less out of habit and more out of intent. 
• Myth: when things change I will be happy; Truth: when I am happy things will change 
• I love the person I've become because I fought to become her
• Never fake being okay. Ever. 

Sober Sally

Many knew, some didn't, but I recently went 28 days without any alcoholic drinks whatsoever. No, I wasn't on any medications, nor was I pregnant, it was just a personal choice that involved me and my relationship with God. I was fed up with the excessive negativity in my life, and although I know God, I needed to just take my relationship with Him even a baby step further, so I decided to give up something that was prevalent in my life in honor of Him.  I have seen people do this before with other things, and then of course there's Lent, but I'm also not Catholic, and as with everything else in my life (especially my religion), I needed to make it personal and meaningful to me. 

"How does giving up alcohol bring you closer to God?" was a question I got often. I'm 23, my friends range essentially from 21-30, and we commonly drink when we socialize. I went to a party school...we always drank when we socialized...we even drank when we studied (I got good grades cut the judgment). So while I am by definition no alcoholic...it's a habit...and I'm a creature of habit. A habit of mine also included not praying enough, which was my alternative to drinking during my fast. My goal was to say a prayer, talk to God, or even just say "Thank you" every time alcohol came up in discussion, was around me, I passed a liquor store, anything. I wanted to make my communication with God a habit that would continue long after the fast concluded. 

I had some friends attempt to do this with me, which truly warmed my heart. I had another friend say they were going to try it just on their own time. I'm not entirely sure their purpose in doing so was as spiritual as mine, but inspiring people to do so or even making people aware of my purpose in doing so, possibly leading them to want to reevaluate their faith is more than satisfying to me. My goal in life is to positively serve other people, and I found comfort in spreading my testimony with my friends. 

My month of sobriety also overlapped with my uncle's series of "power" (yes, inspired somewhat by the show) sermons at the Transformation Christian Worship Center. I won't share all my sermon notes (because I'm writing a novel longer than this blog post), but I will share the scriptures, and offer the invitation to join me there whenever you'd like. Definitely a relatable person to receive the Word from that still keeps it real (and you're still out in time to watch football lol). 

Proverbs 22:1 
Philippians 2:7 
Deuteronomy 30:19
James 1:14 
1 Corinthians 8:6
Psalm 62:5
Romans 12:12 
Mark 13:34 
Matthew 8:16 


The following scripture was probably my biggest inspiration throughout this journey. Read it, process it, and meet any trouble that approaches you face to face with it. 


"'Behold, I give you the authority to trample on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall by any means hurt you'" 

Luke 10:19

Patient Appreciation

I met a (new to me) patient a couple weeks ago. She said she had seen something of mine with letters on it, and asked if I was "a red and white lady" as she put it, and then told me she was a "pink and green lady". We laughed and joked while I took her through her exercises. She was an educator for over 40 years, and continued to tell me things that were just awesome. It was great to just talk about amazing people in the Divine 9 in general and share such an appreciation for our common interests, regardless of the fact that our choices usually carry unweighted controversy. 

The next time I worked with her she had to get rushed to the emergency aid unit during her session. Scared me for a brief moment, but reminded me to cherish the people that bring positive energy in my life. I've been doing a decent job at weeding out the negative shit, and I love to keep the ball rolling.  

And one time for the sawrahs...

OOOOOO~OOP! 


(this was supposed to get published last month smh..)

Morning Thoughts...

Thursday, July 24..2014.

Today is my aunt's birthday. My second mom. My mother figure. I won't ramble about how much I love her but I do, so so so much. Can't wait to call her later and see if her surprise got to her house yet. 

Yesterday I was talking to a patient about her granddaughter, whom I met, and she is a remarkable young child. She was born deaf and had an operation when she was 8 months old that resulted in everything developing slower that the pace of a normal child. You would never know it looking at her today though. And she has a genuine artistic talent that is striking. Designing her own clothes, sculpting, and having a painting on display in the town. Mind you she hasn't even hit double digits yet. I see crazy potential in her and I was only around her for 15 minutes. I hope she fulfills it living out her passion. 

Some news earlier this week hit me like a ton of bricks, but I couldn't be more thankful for it. I feel at peace, at ease, and like what I'm doing is right. I know I always thought shit would happen a different way, but God did what He does and told me He's in control. So I'm going to seriously trust what He's doing right now, because He sent me someone that is truly wonderful and a joy to be around. I'm free. I'm happy. 

I want to quit all of my jobs and just live life. The end. 

a turning point.

"What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it is supposed to be." 

scrolled across this quote on pinterest and it couldn't be more applicable to what i'm going through right now.  i've always had an image of how my life was supposed to be. in my last relationship, i could have sworn up and down i was going to marry my boyfriend, and if you know me you know there's no way on God's earth that will ever happen. i was going to go to school in virginia (which did happen) but i was never going to come back to de. i was going to stay there forever, but now i'm applying to jobs in delaware and looking for apartments. i wasn't supposed to get into OT and i was supposed to keep cheerleading. i wasn't supposed to love my college friends the way i do but they've become more of my family than the people i share blood with. i was supposed to go straight from undergrad to grad school and then get a job just the way everyone does, right? wrong. i was supposed to care about what my family thinks about me not following the "path destined for me" (whatever the hell that is) and becoming much more average than what is expected of me. but i'm like, i have so many plans for what i want to do and lives i want to affect that i'm way more awesome than the frustrated lives you're living. my relationship with God is growing closer through personal experience than the forced religious life you're trying to shove down my throat. and i'm in love with an amazing guy that helps build me up whenever you all beat me the hell down with your expectations and your visions for my happiness. funny how it's supposed to be mine and it's somehow yours right? haha. i don't even want you all to spoil the energy for life i've found through him. point is, my life is my life. and i'm sooo happy with it. i feel free. i'm smiling and dancing and singing with a new joy in my heart that you will never take away. took me 21 years to find it and i won't let it go. the name of the game: I WIN! 

dear jmu

dear jmu, 

from the moment i set foot on this campus i knew you were for me. there is such a spirit and way about this campus that welcomes anyone, welcomed me, and immediately gels you into what is know as the jmu family. this campus: your hills (which i've hated some days), your beauty, your food, your people, your decorations, and your atmosphere is nothing short of amazing. you somehow attract people with some of the biggest hearts on the face of this planet. if i didn't have that mindset when i came here, i definitely do now, and i have you to thank for that. even your parties, known for their free beer and nights full of overly friendly people making friends for the night on the drunk bus have a different aura about them than do those at other schools. jmu, you have taught me things about myself i would have never known. you opened my eyes to my real interests. you opened your wide array of resources to me. you gave me the best friends i'm convinced i will ever know, friends that have stepped in and been my family when my own family just wasn't there the way i would have liked them to be. i don't blame them, but i thank you, because it if wasn't for you, i would have been alone during some of the hardest and most difficult times of my life. you blessed me with the unmatched feeling of a jmu game day. spending every home game at the 50 yard line, losing my voice along the sides of my best friends who share the same love for sports that i do, singing the fight song (which is awkwardly one of my favorite songs ever), throwing those purple and gold streamers after every touchdown and field goal, and cheering on more of my good friends down their on Zane Showker Field. that spirit, that love, that ritual became a part of me, and i cannot wait to return as an alumni and do the same. 
now don't get me wrong, jmu, there were times when i hated you like an evil ex-boyfriend. the parking and class registration struggles never seemed to end. and later in my jmu career, my schedule outside of class got busier, and my attitude about some things became a little more negative. but no matter what, any time someone reminded me "oh you're graduating next year", i became overwhelmed with sadness. you have been so good to me, and although a drastic change must come along with the may 4th commencement ceremony, i will forever be indebted to you. all of the friends, sorors, professors, faculty, and administration here collectively have helped mold me into the young woman here today. i just hope that i make you proud when i'm miles away from the little town of harrisonburg, virginia. 

thanks again jmu. with all my love, 
Sydney c/o 2013 
Alumni from day one.

p.s. I don't care what you say, my school is better than yours. GO DUKES!

i don't know.

i really want to be happy. of course the response to that is "duh, doesn't everyone?" but i'm thinking more about being happy for me instead of just being happy. increasingly caring a lot less about what i'm "supposed" to do, what standards i'm supposed to uphold, and the people i'm supposed to make happy. taking the stick out of my ass to be completely blunt about it. i've been happier with guys i'm not "supposed" to talk to, making more spontaneous moves with my friends, and giving less of a damn about school. (don't get me wrong though, me giving less of a damn about school is the normal person stressing out). 

call me greedy, but i still want more. i want better grades simply because i don't feel they match my effort. i want my family to function in a bit more of a normal fashion if you're using society's standard of a normal divorced couple. i want maybe not a committed relationship but more of exclusive one. someone who inspires me, motivates me, can teach me random things, but most importantly someone whose company i can simply enjoy. i'm sick of hearing i'm too young and i need to just enjoy life and all that. that's what everyone else wants for me not what i want for myself. i could be considered selfish but i think all the people trying to force me out of wanting a relationship are being kind of a backwards selfish. 

i'm still thankful though. thankful for all of the people i know, for they all have taught me something. a lesson, many lessons, or made me realize something about myself. i love interacting with people because i always feel as though that's an opportunity to learn something. i'm thankful for my family, simple because they are who they are and have been what they have been for me. thankful for my friends, sorors and definitely my line sisters. they are my crutch whenever i feel weak and unable. above all i'm thankful for my relationship with God. it may not follow whatever rules people set or whatever, it's my own personal relationship and it benefits me and i have complete and total faith in it. 

one more semester. 2012 is over and i only have one more semester of my undergraduate career. it's a scary feeling but i'm ready. 2012 taught me a lot, especially about myself, and was definitely a growing experience. 2013 is going to be about a lot of changes. i have spent the last three and a half years building an entire new life with new people and much more meaningful relationships. i have become a completely different person and i'm happy with that. i'm scared of what's to come, but i'm definitely ready at the same time. 

fuerza.